The whole debate got me thinking: What if we could trade away people in politics or the media for prospects? It could solve some problems. Therefore I have decided to propose several non-sports trades for our state and region.
The first big trade I suggest is to send Minnesota’s Republican Gov. Tim Pawlenty to North Dakota for their Republican Gov. John Hoeven, two of his state’s many nuclear weapons and one 16-ounce steak for every Minnesotan. Hoeven doesn’t have the national profile of Pawlenty, so he’s got to be cheaper (and his name could be pronounced “Ho-Even” to make him mad). I figure if our state is going to subtly shift the cost of government services from a fair statewide income tax system to regressive property taxation that punishes the working class and retirees, you might as well get some cool nukes out of the deal. North Dakota is one of the largest depositories of America’s nuclear weapons, so just two little ICBMs won’t set them back too much. Maybe we can point the missiles at Wisconsin to make the cheese heads plow our roads for free. Efficiency! As an added bonus, Hoeven has a moustache. Minnesota hasn’t had a mustachioed governor in a long time and we’re due.
~An excerpt from my Sunday, Dec. 16, 2007 Hibbing Daily Tribune column. It’s available at www.minnesotabrown.com, or in the Sunday paper or archived here.
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