The Minnesota Wild, a team I have yet to fully embrace because of their stupid name, have named their new mascot. The Star Tribune has the story. “Nordy” is a “hybrid of several wild animals” who, according to team officials, was born in Eveleth and learned to play hockey on the ponds and lakes of the Iron Range.
Let’s put Nordy to the Iron Range test.
1) Mullet?
Yes. 1 point.
2) Mixes cocktails in 20 ounce bottles of Dr. Pepper?
Probably not. Minus 1 point.
3) Does community events?
Yes. 1 point.
4) Giant “M” on forehead?
What the hell? Minus 5 points.
5) Visits hospitals?
Yes. 1 point.
6) More than once, for purposes other than euthanasia?
No. Wants to live. Minus 1 point.
Good luck with this one, Nordy. I’d believe you were from the Range if I saw your giant ManBearPig relatives at the bars or if they were running for school board or on the racing circuit. You have the look of a marketing ploy. Disagree? I’m right here, furry. You know where to find me. But look at me wrong and I’ll snap your tiny little ankles.
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