The following post was inspired by true events (“Coleman says he’s going 100 percent positive” ~The Hill).

As most of you know, for the past 28 years I have been terrible at many things, most notably dancing and singing. My inability to dance and sing is well established. It continues to feed into the media narrative that I am a white, educated nerd who blogs about politics from Minnesota’s Iron Range, a fact only exacerbated by my monogamous relationship, stable family life and deep supply of khaki pants. Today, all that changes.

I am hereby suspending my inability to sing and dance.

To the skeptics, who say that my long record of comical lurching on the dance floor and tone-deaf renditions of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” at karaoke parties delegitimizes this announcement, I say shame. Shame on your cynicism. From now on, I publicly declare myself to be good at singing.

And dancing.

I vow to dance and sing really well sometime after 8 p.m. CST on Nov. 4, to demonstrate that I mean what I say. That time and date is random, selected for entirely arbitrary reasons. To those who would suggest otherwise, shame. Shame indeed.