PHOTO: Clutterandkindle, Flickr CC
Aaron J. Brown is an Iron Range blogger, author, radio producer and columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune.
It’s fitting that Valentine’s Day, a holiday celebrating romantic love, comes in the thick of Northern Minnesota’s sprawling winter. Just as many people have lost love over the years, so it goes for our gloves and hats after months of regular use.
By now, gloves have been removed and placed in pockets more times than Charlie Sheen’s underwear.
Hats have been worn so long that they are beginning to get people hair.
Scarves have spent more time lost in the back seat than two teenagers trying to make out in snow pants.
Point is, by now our winter clothing is disappearing on us, right when many of the stores have already cleared out the quality winter gear.
This time of year always gets me thinking. This time of transition must be particularly troubling for winter clothing in a monogamous pair. You can just imagine the heartache of the missing mates.
ROTARY PHONE DIALS
LEFT MITTEN: Mom, it’s me, Left Mitten. He’s gone. Yes. Right mitten is gone. He was just here. We went out on the hands. We got put in the pockets. Then when we got home, I was here and he wasn’t. No. Things were fine. I mean (fighting tears) I think so? No, I’m OK. I’ll call if I hear from him.
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
LEFT MITTEN: You’re home, right mitten! Oh, I was so worried!
RIGHT MITTEN: (a little nervous) Yeah, babe. I was just out for a while. Dumb hand forgot to put me back on, eh? Ha-ha.
LEFT: Well, I’m glad the hands went back to look for you. Where were you?
RIGHT: Ah, well, nowhere really.
LEFT: Nowhere? What do you mean? I was so worried.
RIGHT: I was just, you know … in the lost and found.
LEFT: The lost and found? Hon, I don’t mind sayin,’ that’s a den of sin. What were you doing there?
RIGHT: It’s just where I got put! It’s not like I’ve got legs or anything. I’m a mitten! They picked me up on the playground and put me there.
LEFT: The playground? You were in the Lost and Found by the playground? That’s the worst one! What happened?
RIGHT: Nothing happened. I was with … I was with scarf. You remember, scarf, right?
LEFT: Really? I’m supposed to believe that. Scarves are enablers! They’ll cover up anything!
RIGHT: Nothing happened … that I could control.
LEFT: Who was she?
RIGHT: Who?
LEFT: Who. Was. She.
RIGHT: Alright, fine. I was sitting there, minding my own business, when some new hands came and picked me out of the box. I went out on the playground with someone else. She was … a pink glove.
LEFT: A pink glove. (crying) Oh, I can’t believe you!
RIGHT: She didn’t mean anything. She was just some glove from a box.
LEFT: (bitterly) What was it like?
RIGHT: It was, different. She had, fingers. Tell you the truth I was so confused.
LEFT: I’m going to try to forgive you. But it’s going to take some time.
RIGHT: Left mitten, I have a question. I think it will help. Will you … be attached to me with a cord?
LEFT: Oh, right mitten! Yes! Yes, I will!
Those crazy kids just might make it.
Aaron J. Brown is an author and college instructor from northern Minnesota’s Iron Range. He writes the blog MinnesotaBrown.com and hosts the Great Northern Radio Show on Northern Community Radio. This piece first appeared in the Sunday, Feb. 14, 2016 edition of the Hibbing Daily Tribune. It is based on a sketch performed in the Feb. 6, 2016 Great Northern Radio Show in Aurora, Minnesota.
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