What makes Minnesota alligators different?

Crow Wing County deputies pose with the young alligator captured along a bike trail near Brainerd.

Crow Wing County deputies pose with a young alligator captured along a bike trail near Brainerd, Minnesota.

Passers-by found a baby alligator along a bike train near Brainerd earlier this week.

A reptile handler from a nearby wildlife center retrieved the creature, the aftermath of which you can see in this YouTube video:

Authorities believe it was either someone’s pet that escaped or was released illegally.

It’s safe to say that alligators will not be a permanent addition to the Minnesota ecosystem, at least no time soon. But our climate is changing. Perhaps one day Minnesota gators will roam our world?

So, without further adieu, here are:

Ten ways that Minnesota alligators will be different than other alligators

  1. Minnesota alligators always leave part of the human behind in case someone else wants some.
  2. Minnesota alligators won’t eat you until they know you pretty well or if your kids play hockey together.
  3. Minnesota alligators have powerful jaws that clamp shut with a force of 2,151 psi. This is ideal for pursing lips upon seeing an earlobe ring.
  4. Minnesota alligators kill by dragging their prey to the bottom of a lake in what is called a “passive aggressive roll.”
  5. Minnesota alligators will eat geese, but prefer grey ducks.
  6. Minnesota alligators live about 50 years in the wild, but almost twice that long in mostly sexless long term relationships.
  7. Minnesota alligators can weigh up to 1,000 pounds, but will attribute most of that to “heavy clothes” and “water weight.”
  8. Minnesota alligators always make jello molds with rodents inside, even though they themselves don’t really enjoy eating them.
  9. Minnesota alligators only hug when mating.
  10. Minnesota alligators sport 80 teeth, a muscular tail and a Prince CD that always seem to stand out in the small burrow they dig to raise their young.

Comments

  1. The muskies will eat them.

  2. This made me smile during a difficult Minnesota news week. Thanks!

  3. Pat Dickson says:

    For my tastes — and I moved from MN to FL — too crude to be cute. Man can’t put
    the “nice” in alligators.

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