My Hibbing Daily Tribune column for this week was supposed to be about the Minnesota Steel story, but details emerged late in the week that may change the column so the paper held it. Instead I offer this charming (but not newsbreaking) piece about exercise. KAXE fans know that a version of this first appeared on “Between You and Me” a couple weeks ago. Look for that Minnesota Steel piece next week or the week after.
Evolution of Exercise
By Aaron J. BrownHere’s the thing about exercise. If we humans were worth anything evolutionarily-speaking, we wouldn’t have to exercise. Our workout clothes would simply be called clothes. Our gym membership fees would be devoted to food, shelter or the wooing of a fertile mate. We would monitor our heartbeats only to determine if we were still alive and, even then, only if the matter were in doubt. See, people didn’t used to exercise unless they were training for an athletic activity, like the 1912 Olympics or spring tryouts for the Peoria Whigs. Now we have to exercise all the time, three days a week if we want to die young, five days a week if we want to live forever.
We exercise because people don’t do much anymore. Sure, we think we do plenty. I’m really busy right now. I have to finish this column and then I have to grade some papers and then I need to look at You Tube for something funny I heard about on MSNBC (what a dork) and then, because I’m so tired after working so hard, I am going to recline into a horizontal position and sleep on a bed. What a day! I have no fields to till, no wood to stack and there is absolutely no chance that I’ll have to hunt down tomorrow’s dinner on foot. Work for me, and many Americans involves sitting, standing and eating cake in honor of an equally lumpy co-worker about to get married, retire, or die – possibly all three.
We live in an amazing world. I was at the grocery store today and, for the equivalent of an hour’s pay, I could bring home enough food to keep my whole family alive for several days. For a day’s wages I could easily feed my family for more than a week. And we’re not talking about energy pellets here. We’re talking about cheesy bratwurst from Milwaukee, apples from Oregon and potatoes from Idaho. Carbon footprint? Sounds delicious. And I can eat all this stuff for a fraction of my take-home pay. And you better believe I’ve tried. Modern life makes it easy to pack on pounds and slow the cardiovascular system developed by a thousand generations of my hunting, gathering ancestors into a metaphorical 1982 Cutlass Cruiser with no oil or muffler.
So what does the future hold for us as a people? The weather is getting warmer in northern Minnesota and, despite my strong desire, I am going to try and limit my cheesy brats and get out to run on my dirt road – not to chase anything or go anywhere – just to run. If I’m successful, I’ll lose weight. My ancestors, who worked a lot harder for their food, would think that was a pretty dumb reason to run. If they lost 20 pounds it was because of “the consumption.” They just wouldn’t have understood. I’ve got to exercise to make up for how hard I work.
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