The stadium name game

The stadium name game
By Aaron J. Brown

By now you’ve probably heard the name of the Minnesota Twins’ new baseball field slated to open for the 2010 season. The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, site of World Championships in 1987 and 1991, will be replaced by Target Field.

Don’t worry folks. “Target Field” is not named as an instruction for nuclear-armed enemies around the world. (As far as I know). It’s actually named for its sponsor, the Target Corporation, one of Minnesota’s largest companies. Target also named the Target Center where the Timberwolves play and, I presume, one day will name the Target Choke-iseum where the Minnesota Vikings will one day disappoint my great-grandchildren. Further into the future, when Target buys Xcel Energy in order to power their giant red logo on the Target moon, we will have the Target Energy Centers in St. Paul (the extra “s” being a long awaited compromise on the non-plural nickname of the Wild).

The point is that within just a couple years, the corporate-named stadium culture will have fully engulfed our state. Minnesota had enjoyed something of a respite from all this as the Metrodome was named for one of our many affable former U.S. Vice Presidents who never made it to the Oval Office. Unlike other states, we think it’s still pretty impressive to be nominated. Not everyone gets nominated. Have you been nominated by your major party for President of the United States? I didn’t think so. I suppose all good things must come to an end.

Fact is: professional sports teams are more about business than ever. These teams are investments, and good investments provide the highest return possible. That’s why a multibillion dollar deal to name the ballpark after Target is much more lucrative than naming it after Harmon Killebrew, Kirby Puckett, or, I suppose, Walter Mondale.

It begs a question, though. If our culture allows the naming of our largest venues of public congregation to be dictated by the highest bidder, what do we really value? Following this logic, our government could close its budget gaps selling ad space on our currency, naming bridges and roads after oil companies and investment firms. Our schools would be named for fast food restaurants and inside them our children would be hooked up to IVs filled with bacon grease and clown tears. At some point, we’re not just selling space and naming rights, we’re selling ourselves. Right?

Uh oh. I’ve gone and turned the exciting new Twins stadium into a bummer. Actually, Target Field isn’t that bad a name. It could be worse. 3-M is another big Minnesota company. We could have ended up with “Post-It Park.” Hormel is based in Austin, Minn. They could have given us “Spam Stadium.” Target Field, if anything, suffers only from blandness, not insufferable cuteness or corporate skullduggery. Additionally, unlike Houston’s Enron Field, there is very little chance that Target will collapse in on itself from energy market speculation. (As far as I know).

It remains to be seen if Target Field will follow the high concept visual imagery of Target’s recent television commercials. Perhaps the new field, like the ads, will feature frolicking well-dressed attractive people and symmetrical floating jugs of laundry detergent while recognizable songs are sung by unknown artists. Then again, maybe the stadium will simply feature red-shirted recent college graduates selling peanuts, cursing their decision to major in English literature. That’s the Target I know and love. Either way, it should be interesting.

Aaron J. Brown is a columnist for the Hibbing Daily Tribune. Contact him or read more at his blog, MinnesotaBrown.com. His new book “Overburden: Modern Life on the Iron Range” has begun to appear in Iron Range bookstores and will be available everywhere Oct. 14.