Our balls are safe

Boy howdy, it’s a hot day for Duluth news. The man with a history of stealing large rubber exercise balls and slashing them as part of an elaborate sexual fetish has turned himself in.

What can I add that would read more smoothly than the facts? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing.


  1. I’d like to note that the reason I haven’t written about this topic yet is because I really doubt I could add anything to it.

  2. It’s guys like this that make my job as a public defender so fascinating! You can’t make this stuff up.

  3. Anonymous says

    Apparently I’ve recently taken a ton of hallucinogenic drugs and forgotten about it. I could swear that my computer just showed me an article about a guy with a sexual fetish for slashing exercise balls.

    words fail me…

  4. Has he declared his candidacy for Governor yet?

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