We’re going to … Twins. We’re going to … sigh

I usually comment on the opening of the baseball season. It’s a time for hope and good feelings. But I was busy with the radio show this weekend and the Twins are awful, just awful. They are going to lose 100 games. Their pitching is bad and they have no offense. Their most expensive players are damaged, probably forever.

In fact, I was sketching out a monologue for my live radio show last Saturday that was a list of comical reasons one shouldn’t change the station to listen to the Twins. It wasn’t funny. Do you know why? There was no real danger of anyone turning the station to the Twins. That just wasn’t going to happen.

I could look to one of my favorite movies, “Major League,” for inspiration. Everyone knew the Cleveland Indians were really bad at the start of that movie, but a plucky group of character actors pulled the season back from the brink. But in that movie the team’s owner was a gold-digging widow who wanted to move the team to Florida. She provided a catalytic spark that produced an opposing effect. Our team owner is the scion of a bland banking family. He seems very nice. Why change anything?

At first I was amused at the “Big Lebowski” spoof the Twins put out this year called the Big Hrbowski (featuring portly Twins vet Kent Hrbek). Now I believe there is some kind of deeply embedded irony in this message.

Twins fans will abide.

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