The Mesabi Daily News reports that a car plowed into a Hallmark gift card shop in downtown Virginia, Minnesota this afternoon. No one was seriously injured. The incident is under investigation. The building sustained damage.

First, the low hanging fruit:

• Is there an apology card for that? Or is this more of a “flowers” thing?
• Remember, if you forget Mother’s Day next week, tell mom that your favorite gift card shop was maimed by a motorist.
• You break everything, you buy everything.

Now, second gear:

• This whole incident would have been a disappointment if it weren’t for the crisp $10 bill folded inside the car. 
• Why didn’t you tell me we were sending a car? I would have signed it!
• I spent hours trying to pick the best car but ended up just sending this one. 
• Hey look, this one plays music inside!
• Why is it all the cars in the gift shop these days are inappropriate? 
• I know you thought this car was supposed to be funny. But it wasn’t. I’m very offended.