So, this week a new Jimmy Johns franchise opened in Grand Rapids. (The old Bixby’s location). That’s a sandwich place. Yesterday I learned that Erbert and Gerbert’s, another sandwich place, will be opening in a Hibbing strip mall. (The old Movie Gallery location).

I am delighted and dismayed by this news. I am delighted by the sandwiches. This is pretty big news for the kinda fat people who are fueling this nation’s slow recovery from self-inflicted economic decline. I am dismayed that I am powerless to avoid eating at least a few of these sandwiches, which will slow my life-long goal of not being noticeably lumpy while wearing polo shirts.

But the scales are tipped toward delight, as I live in a place where this is HUGE news. These sandwich places are enough to create the sense of optimism needed for the region to lift itself into a new era!

Wait, though. What if we just eat the sandwiches and that’s it? What if nothing happens after that?

Sandwiches are voting. It’s a metaphor.

And, scene.