Give a hoot, disguise your toots

Here at MinnesotaBrown, I’ve been a steadfast advocate of economic diversification in Northern Minnesota. This means all sorts of new ideas; not just ones I think of myself.

Thus, I am honor bound to point out this latest concept. An Iron Range couple has created a new app that camouflages personal bodily sounds to avoid awkward social discomfort in public restrooms.

The app’s name is “Flatuflage.”

Now, I know public restrooms are in the news. But this isn’t about all that. This is about the truth.

Truth: Butts make noise. Generations of puritan shame have trained us to believe they shouldn’t. But they do. But how!

Oh my God, they’re from Embarrass. The Flatuflage people are from Embarrass, Minnesota. (You can read this cheeky story from Jodi Summit at the Timberjay).

Ryan and EmiLy Quick, whose company is Red Pine Media, say they got the idea from their daughter:

The app has a simple single screen interface, with a slider button, which makes your phone emit camouflaging and inoffensive sounds as you slide the button to the right (to control how loud the sound gets). The app also offers an “emergency” mode, which emits a loud burst of noise with a single tap.

EmiLy said this app is something she thinks others will find useful, and that kids find it fun. She added that it reduces the anxiety for those who are embarrassed to use public toilets.

The description of the app asks, “How much is your dignity worth?” If it’s worth at least 99 cents, you might try the app out. It is available currently in the Apple App Store for iPhone, and will be available any day in the Google Play Store for Android smartphones.

Always modest, perhaps because I’m a hypersensitive overthinker, it took years before I used school bathrooms for much more than worrying.

I can recall an incident when my family went to Duluth — a big event and a long day. I had to go, so I set up shop in one stall in a mall restroom while some guy was parked one stall over.

It led to an awkward detente, a scatological Cuban Missile Crisis. And just like the real thing, we both ended up stowing our missiles and returning to Russia in bewildered frustration.

So, I would assume that I am part of the target audience for this new “Flatuflage” app.

But what kind of “inoffensive sounds” does the app make? Isn’t playing sounds on your phone kind of a weird thing to do anyway? I mean, why not just play some Queen? “Elvira” by the Oak Ridge Boys? Lots of options.

What do I know? Economic diversification is funny like that. The bigger story is that Flatuflage is but one jewel in Red Pine Media‘s crown — and that’s how it’s supposed to work.