Vlad vs. Donald in Nevis Pig Races

PHOTO: Brent Moore, Flickr CC

UPDATE: Pig race results below.

Last year, I highlighted the annual Nevis Pig Races in an essay previewing the 2016 election. In that race, a pig named Donald raced against a pig named Hillary to “settle” the ongoing political squabbling.

No such luck. The race ended in a tie, so no one was satisfied. Then again, the popular vote vs. electoral vote split that led to Donald Trump being president was equally frustrating for most Americans. Possibly the pigs were trying to warn us.

To that end, I’ll be paying close attention to this year’s Nevis Pig Race on Sunday, July 9. This year, surrogate pigs will represent President Tump and Vladimir Putin, respectively. I’m not sure what one of these pigs winning would necessarily prove. Perhaps that, too, signals the larger problem in contemporary global affairs.

The Nevis Pig Race press release fires up the whimsy machine:

President Donald Trump’s Russian mess will be resolved in 14 seconds at the ninth running of the pig races in Nevis, Minnesota, Sunday, July 9th. Rather than have the congressional investigators try sort out this issue, President Trump is making one of the better decisions he has made to date: let the Nevis Pig Races resolve the problem.

President Trump’s surrogate pig will be wearing the traditional blond head piece. Vladimir Putin’s Pig will be wearing a muscle shirt. The race will last 14 seconds. Problem solved.

Congress then can work on legislation they haven’t been able to complete in 40 years: balance the budget, reduce spending, lower the national debt, eliminate/consolidate overstaffed federal departments, reduce taxes. You know, the stuff we sent them to Washington D.C. to do.

By the sound of things, the Nevis Pig Races must have been dominated by a pig named “Reagan” back in the 1980s who everything remembers as the best and fastest pig ever but who was probably overrated due to the seismic collapse of his competition.

Organizers say ESPN will be monitoring the races this year which begin promptly at 1:05 p.m. on Sunday, July 9. The Trump/Putin feature race will be run at 2:17 p.m. Admission is $5, with discounts for kids and families.

UPDATE: Pig race organizers contacted me with the results. Vladimir Putin’s pig won the race, which feels about right. According to organizers, “President Trump did text the Nevis Pig Races, ‘Fake News, Very Very Fake News.'”

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