Search Results for: asian carp

Bill would rename Asian carp; solve everything

This blog is nothing if not your inconsistent source for up-to-date Asian carp snark. We also cover politics. Today these worlds collide, as a bill to rename Asian carp as “invasive carp” has made its way into the hopper at the Minnesota Legislature. UPDATE: Holy carp. They might actually to do this. WDIO has the… Read More →

Great Wall of … Asian Carp? has been the internet’s one-stop-shop for those casually interested in the threat of Asian carp species to the fresh waters and Great Lakes of the Upper Midwest, but who do not want to be bothered with excessive “fancy science.” But the fancy science is out there, and a recent U.S. Army Corps of Engineers… Read More →

Never mind #SharkWeek, this is #AsianCarpCentury

Progress Illinois Sure, those Great White Sharks on the Discovery Channel’s “Shark Week” are menacing, to the point that this cable channel’s annual tradition gets a Macklemore shout-out. But you know what? Sharks don’t bother me. We’re in the Midwest, for one, and we’re thousands of miles from salt water. Plus, Mayor Don Ness of… Read More →

Rogue carp shot on sight

Perhaps you recall that this blog stands ready to defend northern waters from Asian carp. No blog has been more on the cutting edge of exotic carp awareness than this one, a claim we stand ready to defend by way of jumping out of the water and crashing against the bow of your boat, causing… Read More →

Hoping for a carp-mass miracle

Officials detailed Minnesota’s plans to prevent the northward spread of Asian carp in the state’s rivers and lakes at a meeting this week. Meantime, the Asian carp held a meeting somewhere near Davenport. They weren’t wearing any clothes and by the end of it all the females were pregnant with 10,000 babies. Or was that… Read More →

Lock and dammit; the carp are coming!

Several conservation groups have recommended the closing of two Minnesota locks to prevent the spread of Asian carp, which are currently advancing up the Mississippi River. As this Pioneer Press story indicates, closing those locks is a bureaucratic nightmare unlikely to occur. One can’t help but find in the comments of Minnesota officials a sort… Read More →

Governor, carp czar address Minnesota carp summit as carp fears mount

Last year this blog attempted to become the authoritative source for sarcastic commentary about the Asian carp infestation of the upper Midwest. I do believe we were successful for a time before the fame and power sent us crashing back to earth. It’s been exactly one year since my last carp post. The carp czar… Read More →

Carp czar risks assassination by bullhead-sheviks

I’m still getting hot-off-the-press media dispatches from the pro-lock and dam, anti-carp, pro-common sense, anti-bureaucracy lobby, which opposes Asian carp to the degree which it affects shipping on the Great Lakes. CONFUSION IS PEACE! Seriously, Asian carp may soon invade the Great Lakes, which is hella bad considering how just one Asian carp can fly… Read More →

More carping

I’m still on the mailing list for the Asian Carp controversy. A ruling on whether the threat of this invasive species will close two of the Chicago locks is expected soon. MInnesota Public Radio’s Bob Kelleher has the story. Mostly I’m writing this because I get to show more carp pictures. Is that wrong? Probably.

This is a post about carp

So let’s say, hypothetically, that there’s this species of carp, see. It’s from Asia, see. Asian carp. And unlike regular carp, Asian carp is very aggressive, generally wiping out all other species of fish it encounters by consuming up to 40 pounds of domestic fish a day. This carp can walk great distances, swim backwards,… Read More →